Extinct Oddities
by Sour Schuyler
Summary: Yugi in white leather pants with "endearing" logos, the tomb thief in Yami's soul room, and Ryou panting because he thinks he's a sheepdog. And then, there's VALIUM!


Extinct Oddities 

This is now, in fact, a third draft. Um, please review! Because I'll love you forever... just not in that way. But I will try to review your stories back, too!

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Bakura -- the darker Bakura

Ryou -- the lighter Bakura

"speaking"

'thinking'

#Yugi to Yami#

##Yami to Yugi##

(Ryou to Bakura)

((Bakura to Ryou))

On with the fic. -

Chapter 1: The Past Jobs of Yami!

"Bakura, shut up!" Yami yelled. The blasted grave robber was _inside _his soul room, and Yugi wasn't about to do a thing about it.

_"Be nice," _Yugi had said. _"He's here to help you learn more about your past!"_

Yami snorted. _Past my ass, _he thought, and then, _hmm... that sounds pretty catchy... yeah. _Yami grinned wickedly, like a guy grinning after pulling off his first Varial Flip in front of his friends. What that meant, Yami had no idea. But he didn't really care. All he knew was that when Mokuba had fallen over and scraped his knee while attempting this, Yami had thought it very, very funny.

Yami crossed his arms, sending a message to his opposite number via the gigantic, ugly frown that consumed the bottom half of Yami's face. Bakura just snorted, an annoyed smirk glued permanently on his face.

Yami cleared his throat. "A-hem." Bakura nodded politely. Yami smiled courteously, with only a half-smirk thrown in.

"Thank you," he said. "And now, back to business. Bakura, you lie!!"

Bakura sneered, snorting again. "Yeah, right. Look Yami, if you don't wanna admit it to yourself, then that's fine. But the truth is, your uncle Akunadin sold you off as a hooker to various nobles for handsome pay."

Yami glared. "I won't believe it!!" he shouted. "Why should I believe it, when that statement is obviously false!? It's something that you concocted within your own, twisted mind, and I know that my uncle would never do that to me. I have faith in my ancestors." Yami ended his touching speech with a basically falsified vow. Akunadin was, in fact, in his immediate family. He was his father's brother. And yet, Yami didn't remember him, so therefore, he was an ancestor. Something for Jackie Chan and Mulan to worship in some temple place somewhere with a dragon named Mushuu and an obnoxious little niece.

Bakura mushroom-sighed. "Sigh. Yami, listen, do you want to know the truth or not!?"

Yami glared. "I'd love the truth, but, the truth IS that you are such a bad liar. Hmph." He turned away. "This is so demeaing, and inside my own room of the soul, too. For shame, Bakura."

The grave robber growled. "Look," he argued, "it was my lighter half's idea for me to come in here and tell you about your past! It wasn't mine, alright? If I had my way, you'll be lying dead in a puddle of blood on a concrete sidewalk somewhere, your head totally submerged and caving in in several places. And then I'd be in here looking for the Pharaoh's power! I would NOT be doing this! So just shut up!"

"Fine," Yami quipped nonchalantly. "Well then, I give up. I'm getting out. See ya."

"Hnp. See ya." Bakura phantasmally returned to the bowels of his Millennium Ring. "Ew. It smells like poo in here. ....Ok, not funny."

The former noble Pharaoh, however, instead decided to take spontaneous control of his younger half's body, to see what he was up to.

#Yugi?## the Pharaoh sent a throb of thought towards his smaller half.

#Yes?#

##Can I take over for a little bit.##

#Um, can you wait a little while. I'm sort of eating.#

##I could eat it for you, you know.##

#...It's peanut butter and pickle.#

##Eat away!##

#Thanks.#

Fifteen minutes later, Bakura was starting to grow restless in the Millennium Ring. He appeared in ghost form near Ryou, who was draped over the couch, reading a magazine that had a lot of advertisements about cars. Apparently, Seto Kaiba had backed his limo over Ryou's brand new car and so he had to buy a new one. His dad was wiring him a ton of money, so Ryou could pick out a really nice car, if he liked. Like a mustang. Bakura _really _wanted him to get a mustang. Mustangs were cool.

Bakura then noticed what Yugi was wearing. His eyes widened. He sent a question towards his light.

((Uh, Ryou, why...?))

(Would it kill you to say hello once in awhile? Geez, you nearly gave me a heart attack.) Ryou sat up and faced his dark. (So, what's up?)

Bakura stared at Ryou blanky. ((Why is Ryou wearing that?))

(You mean Yugi.)

((Yeah, Yugi. Why is Ryou wearing that?))

Ryou let out a small growl of frustration. "No, you mean why is _Yugi _wearing that!"

Yugi looked up. "Nani??"

((Yeah, why is Yugi wearing that. That's what I said.))

"No you didn't, you... Ugh."

It was about this time Yugi finished eating. Licking the sticky peanut butter off of his fingers, he looked up at where Yami was hovering over the counter. From there, Yami couldn't see Yugi's lower body.

"Ok! All finished," Yugi crowed happily. Yami nodded graciously.

##Thank you.## Yugi nodded feverishly in return. Yami sweat dropped ectoplasmically. Pickles made Yugi hyper.

Next Yugi allowed Yami to take over his body, an odd little event that made Yugi feel as if he was being sprayed with a hose.

Yami opened his eyes, as he always seemed to blink just as Yugi grew that every foot. "Drat." He turned, saw Ryou lounging on the sofa, and decided to watch _Friends _on TV. He made his way over to the sofa. Ryou turned to Yami and watched him intently. This made Yami sweat drop and turn scarlet.

"What?"

"..."

Ryou just continued to stare, his eyes seeming to glaze over. Yami sweat dropped again. _"What?"_

Ryou's mouth dropped open in an 'O' like he had just realized something. "Look at what you're wearing." 

Yami looked down. And jaw dropped.

"Yugi, what are you _wearing!?!?"_

#What's wrong with this outfit?# Yugi asked.

"Um... everything's wrong with it."

Bakura, still hovering near Ryou, sweat dropped at the admonition of seeing the Pharaoh staring there conf00zledly, wearing an over-sized red K.I.S.S. t-shirt and white leather pants. Oh yes, this was definitely a threat. Yami had a nice ass, too. Damn, another threat! But, Bakura had a better one... 'Yes,' he thought, 'Yes I do.'

"Oh... Ryou?" Yami looked up and caught the white-haired boy's mystifying, wandering chocolate eyes that seemed to never stay still for even four seconds.

"Yes?" asked Ryou, who had turned on the television and was watching _Monster Truck Derby._

"...What was I in my former life?"

"..." A pause. Ryou looked shyly at the floor, his face turning pink.

"Uhhhh... why do you want to know?" Ryou asked lamely.

Yami blinked. "I just _do. _What's wrong with that."

"Ummmm... nothing," Ryou lied. "You were... you were a... you... ah... um... were a Pharaoh!"

"No, I mean is there any truth to what Bakura was saying."

Ryou blinked. (You told him?)

((Somewhat. And yet, somewhat no. I didn't tell him that he was the head honcho of it all. I leave that up to you, my dear little light, because I am too ashamed to admit that the Pharaoh had a better hobby than I did.))

Ryou's cheeks turned another rosy shade all together. "Ohh... alright." He tried to stare down Yami directly, but his eyes focused a little lower, on the words of the rouge colored t-shirt.

And then...

"So what was I?" Yami crossed his arms and waited impatiently, his weight on one hip.

All right... This was it.

"You were a pimp," Ryou said softly.

"..." Yami's mouth was dangling open, bereft of words. In fact, he was so shocked that he retreated back into the depths of the Millennium Puzzle, pulled Yugi away from his game of tic-tac-toe with the Dark Magician Girl (staring at her that much couldn't be healthy...) and threw him back into control of his body. Then he apparated into phantasmal form behind him.

Then he noticed the orange stitching on the seat of those jeans.

Yami stared, speechless. ##Uh...Why do Yugi's pants say 'Fuck Me' on the back?##

U Okies. More insanity coming later. Like, why Yugi is wearing those clothes, and why Ryou's eyes are hyperactive. Hopies you enjoyd it! Please review. --


End file.
